If you thought open mic night was Freak Night..

You've never been to "Adult Night" at Rollerland. I suppose my favorite part about this Wednesday evening event is the regulars.

First and foremost there's Repeat Offender, a man in his 70s, I imagine, who skates backwards and attempts to lure you under his spell with his stone cold stare. The most uncomfortable part is that he skates backwards the whole time, so while you're trying to maneuver around the rink you're actually getting closer and closer to a frontal view of his swanky old-man hips and skating skills.

Next there's the Sexy Cougar-Dancers, who aren't terribly sexy at all, but they are dedicated. These are the women who undoubtedly frequented the rinks in the 1970s and still have all of the disco moves that will continue to live on because of them. I actually really like this category; they're fun, they won't bother you and the majority of them come alone and are in their own world the whole time. That's kind of respectable.

Then Father-Son. Father-Son is a self-explanatory pair who mostly baffle me. Both have quaft, parted-down-the-middle hair and pay the extra $3 for rollerblades, so you know they mean business. They have a tendency to start "the clap" during songs such as anything by Informer or Vanilla Ice. Sometimes AC/DC.

My favorite regular is a little lady who must be in her seventies. Not only is she as cute as a button, she's also a total badass on her skates. During the "Fast Skate" she lapped me several times and usually beats the dudes on blades. The best part, though, is that for the duration of the race, she isn't smug-looking, but has this totally overjoyed look on her face, like, "I'm beating you! It's surprising me!"


There are a few others but those are the most-frequent regulars. I love coercing friends into coming out to rollerskate for the first time, because even if they can't manage to stay on their feet, Rollerland is no doubt the best place to people watch on Wednesday nights in Fort Collins.


Practice was cancelled Thursday because storms were raging all over northern Colorado. I have the weekend off, Old Time Relijun is playing in Denver tonight and I am reading an awesome book. It's summer, too.