Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Strong Like Bull

We have been doing squats consecutively for like two months now. I'm surprised that I don't walk like I am sitting in a chair, all of the time. I'm not complaining, just observing.

At Kung Fu Donnas practice this past Sunday, we scrimmaged for a very long time. During one of the periods, Buster hit Cocoa, who tripped Lulu, who tripped me. It was like dominoes on wheels except I didn't just fall over, I flew. I landed on my left hip and there was a cartoon action bubble that read "KAPOW" over me, immediately following. You know when you hurt yourself, but you're not crying because it hurts, you're crying because it scared the crap out of you? I'll admit it. I might have teared up. Maybe.

Anyway, when I fell I subsequently cut my hand on my wrist guard and broke a chunk of the plastic off of my kneepad. I posted a craigslist ad under the "barter" section for a new protective gear in exchange for a ticket to our next bout. Someone responded with, "Is it really that expensive?" Obviously they are not in college.

Monday, January 26, 2009

New Season!

Practice started last week and it has been a relief of sorts. Winter break sounds good, but eventually waking up at 11 everyday, jonesing to watch a Fresh Prince of Bel Air rerun while cutting chunks of your hair gets sort of old.

The Fresh Meat started training with us and the majority of them look super promising. I'm excited for them to get their own skates- skates that are actually controllable on the rink- and start throwing down. However, a few of them may need some hip checks, from what I hear. Ain't nobody rude to my other derby sisters.

Practices have consisted of 50% floor work and 50% actual skating. We've been doing a ton of squat exercises to get everyone familiar and comfortable with skating position.

My new favorite game is called Resident Evil, and I'm not talking about that bizarre video game involving pimply-faced teenagers and well-endowed virtual babes. It's sort of like tag; One person is the zombie and has to constantly make "zombie noises" while everyone else skates around the track. Once tagged, you must make zombie noises also and hunt down the other skaters. Eventually everyone becomes a zombie and we eat brains together.

Other derby news on the FOCO League- We are finally WFTDA (Women's Flat Track Derby Association) approved! This is crazy big. Not only does it mean that we are official, we'll also be bouting against many more teams. Word on the street is that we're going to have one bout a month.

Also: Cox and I made the Kung Fu Donnas! It's the FoCo Girls Gone Derby traveling team. Practices, which are in addition to our normal schedule, have been strenuous- but a lot more rewarding. The Rev (our wonderful ref) coaches us in breathing techniques and mind strategies, a la Bruce Lee. It kind of makes me feel like a ninja on rollerskates.

It's weird to think that, almost a year ago, I wasn't sure if I would ever get to bout. Times they are a changin'.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Crackin' Whips, and Skulls

There's not much to say about the past two weeks of practice, really. They've basically consisted of going back to our cave(wo)man roots, clubbing each other with hips and shoulders. Tuesdays are mainly focused on speedwork and technique, and so for an hour and a half we skated around with a designated partner, hitting them in the same spots over and over. Barbie Crash, brown belt, is very focused on perfecting her hits in order to knock me over. She wants to get better at hitting lilliputians while I am concerned with being able to whack over Goliaths. Knocking our hip bones against each other, yelping from time to time, so focused on getting the other girl down while simultaneously remaining friends on Thursday, when we had bruises and swollen hips the size of melons. We make a good team.

The season closer is slowly but surely sneaking up on us. Street-teaming started this week and all of the women are becoming better skaters. With Coco She'llnailya out for the last bout due to an injury, we're getting nervous and anxious and more aggressive.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Black and Blue Ball certainly lived up to its name! Both teams played hard as heck, and word on the street is, it sold out. My first jam was terrifying, as expected. There was some confusion as to whether or not I was jamming first, so when I was heading back to the line, the pack had already started and I was shakin' in my skates. Cox and I were up against each other. I made it through the pack as lead jammer, but then had an epic fall: an "almost-fall, then spin-around, then an actual fall." She got me that time. Later in the first half I scored a grand slam and in the second half I made it around four times I think, while the Chanel ladies made a human wall, blocking the Deathrow Dolls jammer.

Lucy Cannon on Chanel thrashed! It was incredible watching her make her way through each time. I don't even think she fell once. When Sexecutioner pushed her way past the DRD jammer, she stuck her gold booty short-covered butt out at her. We all work well as a team, especially as the new girls. I love that we communicate while we're still out there.

The black belts raged just as hard. Coco She'llNailya and Buster Hiney were jamming like crazy and got past Urrkin' . We were all so excited to just be there!

More to come in a bit, I have class. But Chanel Cartel and the Deathrow Dolls are tied now, so come December things are bound to get verrrry interrresting...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

You get three tries and then I'll t-bone you, AND take your firstborn!

Radio Show ReCap: Totally Goofy

Matt Martin had a few questions written down that he'd planned on asking us. We went over the upcoming EVENT, as well as future recruitment and the likes. In the middle, we meddled with radio policy. Apparently on KCSU, you aren't allowed to advertise (despite "music breaks" where they mention certain bro-packed bars repeatedly...), so we weren't allowed to say the name of the venue, aka Rollerland, on air. When it was time to promote our upcoming bout, Iona and Cox let me do that. They probably shouldn't have:

"So, I have a riddle for you: This Saturday - roller derby, ladies on rollerskates," I said.

"What kind of skates?" Cox asked.

"Quads. Now, I want you to come, but I can't tell you where it is. I won't tell you. You have to guess."

"And we all know how many places with rinks there are to rollerskate in town," Matt said.

"Yes there are. It starts at six, the two home teams are playing, and it rhymes with... 'Schlollerschland!"

Matt's face went a little pale.

"That's not all," I added. "If you don't guess right, we get to keep your firstborn."

"It's true, we have so many firstborns," Iona said. "We're thinking of starting a Junior league."

"That place where you can rollerskate is packed full of superbabies because people don't guess well."

We had a few comp tickets to give away, too. One of the questions we asked referenced Linda Calvello, a derby lady from the 70s who actually dragged an opponent acround the rink several times, while repeatedly punching her. This was before penalties got called for everything ever and I had to spend half of the jam in the box because I fell and tripped someone during the process.

Check out Linda in action!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ptXxmQRK0

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Maniacs, Maniacs on the Floor

Last night we had a dress rehearsal to get ourselves ready for Saturday. I'm not gonna lie, whenever I think about Saturday I get really nervous. I don't want to be nervous when I skate, but then I don't think that I can help it.

Everyone wore their outfits and made necessary alterations/dress chops. I got used to skating in my Madonna circa 1988 dress. Normally it would've been a lot easier to get in the spirit of jamming and blocking well, however my body hates me and thought that it'd be a good time to make me PMS severely and hurt everywhere and be irritated with everything. I guess it's better to want to rage when you get on the track, but not when all you want to do is rage..and eat chocolate. It'll be gone by this Saturday.

The Chanel Cartel brown belts (aka the newer ladies and I) didn't do that well yesterday. I really don't want to get myself down about this weekend, but it's hard not to overthink. I hope that we talk more to each other while we're in the pack, and hit everyone. Ever. Everyone possible.

If you're in town, tune in tonight on KCSU, the college radio station, between 7 and 9pm. Cox, Urrkin' and I will be giving away tickets, goofin' off and talking to Matthew the dj, who also happens to be our old housemate. Weird!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Possessed to Skate

Having a roommate that you are very good friends with is lucky, but having a roommate that you are good friends with while still managing to kick each other's asses around in rollerskates is better. What's more, the other never tires of hearing about what you liked about practice on that particular day, or being shown multiple bruises in the shapes of wheels on your arms and legs. I love you, Cox.

Since Cox and I discovered that we were going to be placed on opposing teams, we thought it was funny. There's a great book called "Roller Derby: The History and All-Girl Revival of the Greatest Sport on Wheels" by Catherine Mabe, and an even greater picture inside; Two women, one blond and the other brunette, are skating neck-and-neck, about to pummel each other. We plan on getting this picture blown up and mounting it in our living room.

That said, now that we've found dresses to bout in for the Black and Blue Ball, we wear them around the house constantly. Yesterday I came home and Cox was eating dinner in her sequined blue tutu. "Check out these fishnets I found!" she exclaimed. Later that night I helped my friend Allie fix a flat on her bike wearing my off-the-shoulder black 80s prom dress with an asymmetrical line. In exchange, she helped me chop off the sleeves of my dress for optimum skating movement.

The skate park opening on Saturday evening ruled, by the way; We skated around the parking lot and talked to lots of people. While I joke to my boyfriend Bryan that he is going to be a part of the Grown Man Skateboarding Club, I shouldn't- because I will certainly be a member on the other gender's side.