Monday, October 27, 2008

The Black and Blue Ball certainly lived up to its name! Both teams played hard as heck, and word on the street is, it sold out. My first jam was terrifying, as expected. There was some confusion as to whether or not I was jamming first, so when I was heading back to the line, the pack had already started and I was shakin' in my skates. Cox and I were up against each other. I made it through the pack as lead jammer, but then had an epic fall: an "almost-fall, then spin-around, then an actual fall." She got me that time. Later in the first half I scored a grand slam and in the second half I made it around four times I think, while the Chanel ladies made a human wall, blocking the Deathrow Dolls jammer.

Lucy Cannon on Chanel thrashed! It was incredible watching her make her way through each time. I don't even think she fell once. When Sexecutioner pushed her way past the DRD jammer, she stuck her gold booty short-covered butt out at her. We all work well as a team, especially as the new girls. I love that we communicate while we're still out there.

The black belts raged just as hard. Coco She'llNailya and Buster Hiney were jamming like crazy and got past Urrkin' . We were all so excited to just be there!

More to come in a bit, I have class. But Chanel Cartel and the Deathrow Dolls are tied now, so come December things are bound to get verrrry interrresting...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

You get three tries and then I'll t-bone you, AND take your firstborn!

Radio Show ReCap: Totally Goofy

Matt Martin had a few questions written down that he'd planned on asking us. We went over the upcoming EVENT, as well as future recruitment and the likes. In the middle, we meddled with radio policy. Apparently on KCSU, you aren't allowed to advertise (despite "music breaks" where they mention certain bro-packed bars repeatedly...), so we weren't allowed to say the name of the venue, aka Rollerland, on air. When it was time to promote our upcoming bout, Iona and Cox let me do that. They probably shouldn't have:

"So, I have a riddle for you: This Saturday - roller derby, ladies on rollerskates," I said.

"What kind of skates?" Cox asked.

"Quads. Now, I want you to come, but I can't tell you where it is. I won't tell you. You have to guess."

"And we all know how many places with rinks there are to rollerskate in town," Matt said.

"Yes there are. It starts at six, the two home teams are playing, and it rhymes with... 'Schlollerschland!"

Matt's face went a little pale.

"That's not all," I added. "If you don't guess right, we get to keep your firstborn."

"It's true, we have so many firstborns," Iona said. "We're thinking of starting a Junior league."

"That place where you can rollerskate is packed full of superbabies because people don't guess well."

We had a few comp tickets to give away, too. One of the questions we asked referenced Linda Calvello, a derby lady from the 70s who actually dragged an opponent acround the rink several times, while repeatedly punching her. This was before penalties got called for everything ever and I had to spend half of the jam in the box because I fell and tripped someone during the process.

Check out Linda in action!:

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Maniacs, Maniacs on the Floor

Last night we had a dress rehearsal to get ourselves ready for Saturday. I'm not gonna lie, whenever I think about Saturday I get really nervous. I don't want to be nervous when I skate, but then I don't think that I can help it.

Everyone wore their outfits and made necessary alterations/dress chops. I got used to skating in my Madonna circa 1988 dress. Normally it would've been a lot easier to get in the spirit of jamming and blocking well, however my body hates me and thought that it'd be a good time to make me PMS severely and hurt everywhere and be irritated with everything. I guess it's better to want to rage when you get on the track, but not when all you want to do is rage..and eat chocolate. It'll be gone by this Saturday.

The Chanel Cartel brown belts (aka the newer ladies and I) didn't do that well yesterday. I really don't want to get myself down about this weekend, but it's hard not to overthink. I hope that we talk more to each other while we're in the pack, and hit everyone. Ever. Everyone possible.

If you're in town, tune in tonight on KCSU, the college radio station, between 7 and 9pm. Cox, Urrkin' and I will be giving away tickets, goofin' off and talking to Matthew the dj, who also happens to be our old housemate. Weird!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Possessed to Skate

Having a roommate that you are very good friends with is lucky, but having a roommate that you are good friends with while still managing to kick each other's asses around in rollerskates is better. What's more, the other never tires of hearing about what you liked about practice on that particular day, or being shown multiple bruises in the shapes of wheels on your arms and legs. I love you, Cox.

Since Cox and I discovered that we were going to be placed on opposing teams, we thought it was funny. There's a great book called "Roller Derby: The History and All-Girl Revival of the Greatest Sport on Wheels" by Catherine Mabe, and an even greater picture inside; Two women, one blond and the other brunette, are skating neck-and-neck, about to pummel each other. We plan on getting this picture blown up and mounting it in our living room.

That said, now that we've found dresses to bout in for the Black and Blue Ball, we wear them around the house constantly. Yesterday I came home and Cox was eating dinner in her sequined blue tutu. "Check out these fishnets I found!" she exclaimed. Later that night I helped my friend Allie fix a flat on her bike wearing my off-the-shoulder black 80s prom dress with an asymmetrical line. In exchange, she helped me chop off the sleeves of my dress for optimum skating movement.

The skate park opening on Saturday evening ruled, by the way; We skated around the parking lot and talked to lots of people. While I joke to my boyfriend Bryan that he is going to be a part of the Grown Man Skateboarding Club, I shouldn't- because I will certainly be a member on the other gender's side.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Subcultural Grrls

On a Sunday afternoon, several of the lovely ladies of FoCo Girls Gone Derby got together to do a photo shoot for a pin-up themed calendar. We arrived at Bas Bleu Theatre with a few changes of costumes and lipstick tubes, in search of mamosas.

Winnie Chester had hired two students to do hair and make-up. Time was a little behind, and so we all ended up waiting for quite awhile. Which was fine, because there was a cooler of New Belgium beer at our disposal.

My hair was not cooperative. I looked through a book filled with elaborate hairstyles and decided that I wanted the "biggest one." The woman working on my hair had a little more sense; After many failed attempts, she finally settled on the effects of two hot rollers on either side of my head. We stuck a flower behind my ear to finish it off. Ta-da!

I wore my high school graduation dress; Not gonna lie, the only real memory I have of that particular day is going commando onstage. I don't even remember walking across the auditorium to get my diploma. Here's to the memories that high school created, and the fact that I am still able to fit into that dress.

My photo session was outside of Bas Bleu, on the side of the dirt road. Standing by a stack of suitcases, I pretended to hitch-hike while actual cars drove by and spotted a crazy looking person with too much make-up on, red thigh highs and rollerskates. I wouldn't have picked her up either. To be honest with you, Sexecutioner had cohersed me into doing so many shots of whiskey beforehand that I thought I was going to vomit each time the camera's shutter closed. It's a good thing they did it outside.

Everyone ended up looking fabulous.

The calendars will be sold at the merch table at the bout this coming Saturday. I hope that each time you look at those pictures, Jack Daniels pats you on the shoulder. Lord knows that's what he'll be doing to us.

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Falls of the Roller Empire

Who woulda thought that there would be a correct way to fall? Turns out there is, and the reason behind it can directly affect the way you'll walk for the next few days. If you fall too hard on your knees, future problems are going to occur- knee pads or not. On the other end of the, uh, spectrum (I wanted to write 'sphincter' so badly), if you fall too hard on your ass, you'll be in constant pain. I learned this the hard way.

It takes you one or two seconds to land on the ground, so it kind of makes sense to get into the habit of falling in a way that won't hurt you. You don't have much time to think about it!

How to Fall Correctly:

One-Knee: Get knocked down, land on one knee, pick yourself back up quick!

Double Knee: Similar to the infamous Tom Cruise underwear-slide across the floor in "Risky Business"; make sure your knees slide outwards in a v-shape, so as not to slam all of your weight on your knee caps.

Figure Four: This one's really helpful in preventing tailbone bruising. One leg bends and slides under the other leg, forming a "4" shape.

All Fours: If you don't "fall small" while bouting, you'll end up tripping other skaters. While I can complain about this as much as I want, it's in writing that if you trip another person, you get the penalty- sort of the same effect as a car rear-ending you during a snowstorm on slippery roads. To fall on all fours is to do just that- and keep your limbs as close to you as you can, to protect your fingers from getting run over as well as your bum from getting penalized and spanked to the box.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The beginning of, the beginning

I'm aware that I haven't written anything real in quite awhile. Just know that on my hiatus from blogging, I've acquired plenty of bruises. But time must have been jamming, because before I knew it, I realized that my first bout (roller derby tournament) is in a week!

So, to celebrate and not leave you in the dark, this coming week before my debut as Rhoda Destruction on the Chanel Cartel team, I'm going to go through a recollection of most things that have happened in the past few months. I'm even going to explain the game to you because, I'll be honest, I had no clue at the beginning of this blog.

Some exciting news that can't really wait: Everyone within the FoCo Girls Gone Derby league has just been placed onto teams, my roommate Nikki (aka Iggy Cox) is now a member of the Deathrow Dolls (my enemies!) and several of the ladies on wheels recently posed for a roller derby pin-up calendar. But as I promised, all of this will be recollected.

Also, Cox and I will also be on the local radio station October 24th, talkin' up babies' first bout and playing Halloween music. We can't even wait.